1. |
R1
03:36
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Ryan Iād be lying if I didnāt tell you how
I still think about it now
it shouts at me and down my throat
And sometimes I pretend it doesnāt
I pretend I wasnāt
done so wrong it makes me cold
You think Iām bold but Iām just cold
and thatās what makes me bold, I think
Ryan Iād be lying if I said I loved you now
But Iād be lying too if I didnāt tell you how
I think about it
and I donāt doubt it at all
I was ready not to fall and now Iām stumbling all
over myself
Yeah, sure, soon Iāll
eat well, exercise, and care about my health
But for now I donāt care much about anything
other than the fact that you seem to love everything
about me singing
my sad songs, it makes me bold
makes be bold, but Iām still cold
maybe when Iām old, Iāll heat
Ryan Iād be lying if I said I wasnāt scared
But Iād be lying too if I pretended not to care
whether I could bear the weight
of giving in to what could break this cold
That would be bold, to break this cold
But I donāt know if Iām that bold
So I guess when Iām old, Iāll be cold
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2. |
Flip
01:51
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I'm old now and I find
that it's nicer to be kind
than to be cold all the time
to be free to call you mine
and be able to see through it
I'm a fraud you always knew it
even if I donāt do it
on purpose
but that's just on the surface
getting deeper makes me nervous
but resisting doesn't service me
anymore
The many more lovers
that I talk about and sigh
they no longer make me cry
because finally I
am free to call you mine
I think about you all the time
in my sleep and in the day
I keep thinking how I wouldn't have it
any other way
I'm so sorry that I'm fake sometimes
It's just how I've been trained, and I
know that it doesn't justify
my opaque little lies
But Ryan,
for you I'm gonna try it
gonna be myself and buy it
never turn off or be quiet
or ever let you deny it
I think about you all the time
in my sleep and in the day
I keep thinking how I wouldn't have it
any other way
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3. |
Glass
01:59
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Alone again, alone. Iām old again, I know. Iām young but Iām not sold. Daniel died and I donāt care as much as I think you might. Iād have lied if I implied Iād lost my taste for the night life.
A careful special sad
breakable but strong, like glass
Iāve loved you all along and soon
all your hair will be gone, but youāll
always be in my songs (itās true)
Driving around sunny Montreal in the
silence of it all, I stop.
And I start to feel tall and as
things all start to fall into
place and start to feel good
I have room to see youāre gone
Feel closer to myself, and now
start missing you as me, and how that
hurts more than anything, but at least
itās real.
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4. |
Big Fun Party
03:01
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If we went to a party, we both know I'd have more fun
But you would find the one that you're supposed to love
And maybe it would be me, but I'd be lost in it all
and you would find the one that you're supposed to call (supposed to call)
The worst part of it all is how he talked over beauty
or how you're pretending you ever saw it in him truly
You're just like him, in a way
You stay away to stay sane
He broke my brain
But you broke my heart just the same
But I'll stay it out, don't get me wrong, I'll always stay
And I'll weigh it out in every song, in every way
And at night I'll lay down by your side after the day
And I'll pray for you to say to go and stay away
to finally go away
The worst part of it all is how you thought you knew beauty
or how you're pretending you ever saw it in me truly
Because I'm just like him, in a way
I stay away to stay sane
He broke your brain
But I broke your heart just the same
I know that you loved me but didn't know how
So I'm left with this feeling of wanting it now
Don't worry, I don't mean that I want you back
I just mean I want something that I've never had
And now that I finally start to move on
I hate you for leaving and love you are gone
Now that I'm leaving you want me again
And that's when you start to remind me of him
I've started to grow so defeated and thin
I don't know if to go or stay's giving in
The worst part of it all it how I thought you taught me beauty
or how I'm pretending I don't still think you did it truly
Because I'm just like you, in a way
I need to say to stay sane:
You broke your brain
but I broke my heart just the same.
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Eliza Niemi Toronto, Ontario
Eliza Niemi is a multi-instrumentalist and songwriter currently based in Toronto.
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